wǒ xiǎng zài qù kàn yī xià bà bà

我想再去看一下爸爸

“I want to see my dad again”

kě néng yī gè yuè yě bù jué dé mǎn zú yī shēng yě bù jué dé mǎn zú

可能一个月也不觉得满足，一生也不觉得满足

“Maybe a month is not enough. Even a lifetime is not enough”

yī gè suì de xiǎo hái zi jiào méi duǒ

一个13岁的小孩子叫梅朵

The 13-year-old girl is named Mei Duo

tā de fù mǔ zài tā bù dào yī suì de shí hòu jiù lí yì le

她的父母在她不到一岁的时候就离异了

Her parents divorced when she was scarcely a year old

tā cóng lái dōu méi jiàn guò bà bà

她从来都没见过爸爸

She had never seen her father

tā zài yī gè gū ér fú lì xué xiào shēng huó

她在一个（孤儿）福利学校生活

She studied in a charity school for orphans

tā tū rán xiǎng qù jiàn tā de bà bà

她突然想去见她的爸爸

Suddenly the idea of seeking for her father popped up in her mind

wǒ men jiù gēn zhù tā qù jiàn zhèng qù tā de gù xiāng

我们就跟著她去见证，去她的故乡

So we followed her as witnesses to her hometown

dì yī cì dào tā men xué xiào de shí hòu wǒ dà gài cǎi fǎng le duō gè hái zi

第一次到他们学校的时候，我大概采访了150多个孩子

When I first came to her school, I interviewed over 150 children

hěn duō hái zi tā de fù mǔ dōu yǐ jīng qù shì le huò zhě dān qīn de nà zhǒng

很多孩子他的父母都已经去世了，（或者）单亲的那种

Lots of them had lost one or both of their parents

tóng shí yě yǒu méi duǒ zhè yàng de

同时也有梅朵这样的

But there were also children like Mei Duo

bà bà méi jiàn guò miàn

爸爸没见过面

She had never seen her father

mā mā zài shēn biān dàn shì guān xì bù tài hǎo

妈妈在身边，但是关系不太好

She had their mother around but they didn’t get along

tā de shēng mìng lǐ cóng lái méi jiē chù guò fù ài shì shén me yàng de

她的生命里从来没接触过父爱是什么样的

She didn’t know what father’s love was like all her life

tā duì fù ài yǒu hěn dà de xiǎng xiàng

她对父爱有很大的想像

She was really looking forward to it

mā mā yào shì bà bà zài zhè lǐ jiù hǎo le duì ba

妈妈，要是爸爸在这里就好了，对吧？

“Mom, it would be nice to have my dad here, right?”

yī gè hái zi méi yǒu hé zì jǐ de bà bà qiān guò shǒu

一个孩子没有和自己的爸爸牵过手

“A child has never held hands with her father”

huò zhě méi yǒu gēn tā jiǎng guò huà

或者没有跟他讲过话

“And she has never spoken to him either”

wèi shén me huì tū rán xiǎng niàn tā

为什么会突然想念他？

“Why does she miss him all of a sudden”

zài kè běn shàng zhǎo yī gè nán hái ér

在课本上找一个男孩儿

When she saw a boy in her textbook

tā yǐ wèi bà bà kě néng zhǎng dé shì zhè yàng de

她以为爸爸可能长得是这样的

And she thought her father might look like that

tā jiù bǎ tā huà xià lái

她就把他画下来

She would make a drawing of him

xiàn zài gēn wài gōng wài pó zhù zài yī kuài

现在跟外公外婆住在一块

She lived with her grandparents

wài gōng wài pó tè bié fǎn duì tā qù jiàn bà bà

外公外婆特别反对她去见爸爸

And they really opposed her idea of seeing her father

wǒ yào qù jiàn bà bà

我要去见爸爸

“I want to see my dad”

shuí qù jiàn tā

谁去见他？

“Who wants to see him?”

wǒ ya

我呀

“Me”

nǐ hái shì gè yīng ér de shí hòu jiù bèi bà bà pāo qì le

你还是个婴儿的时候，就被爸爸抛弃了

“Your father abandoned you when you were only a baby”

bà bà zhǐ shì yī gè chēng hū ér yǐ nǐ bù shì míng bái zhè diǎn ma

爸爸只是一个称呼而已，你不是明白这点吗？

“He has never acted as your father. You understand that, don’t you?”

wèi

喂？

“Hello”

bà bà nǐ zài nǎ lǐ

爸爸，你在哪里？

“Dad, where are you”

wǒ kuài dào le

我快到了

“I’ll be there soon”

nǐ hǎo nǐ hǎo

你好，你好

“Hi, hi”

nǐ shì tā bà bà ma

你是她爸爸吗

“Is you her father”

ń wǒ shì tā bà bà

嗯，我是她爸爸

“Yeah. I’m her father”

wǒ men kàn dào tā de bà bà

我们看到她的爸爸

When we saw her father

tā jiù shì yī gè hěn kāi lǎng de tè bié shuài de

他就是一个很开朗的，特别帅的

We found he was an outgoing and handsome guy

qù dào nà biān tā yě hěn qīn qiè

去到那边他也很亲切

And he was really friendly

zài yī dìng chéng dù shàng kě néng dǎ pò nǐ yuán yǒu de nà zhǒng yìn xiàng ba

在一定程度上可能打破你原有的那种印象吧

It was kinda unexpected

lí hūn duì dà rén méi shén me dà bù le de

离婚对大人没什么大不了的

Divorce is nothing to adults

kě shì duì hái zi men wǒ zhēn de gǎn dào hěn nèi jiù

可是对孩子们我真的感到很内疚

But I feel really guilty to my kid

bǎo bèi ná shàng zhè gè

宝贝，拿上这个

“Baby, take this”

bà bà méi shí jiān sòng nǐ huí qù

爸爸没时间送你回去

“I’m too busy to send you back”

xià cì zài lái kàn nǐ xíng ma

下次再来看你，行吗？

“I’ll come to see you soon, okay?”

dàn shì tā cóng mù qū huí lái yǐ hòu tā de bà bà bù zěn me guǎn tā

但是她（从牧区）回来以后，她的爸爸不怎么管她

But ever since she came back, her father seldom contacted her

qí shí wǒ zài huái yí tā yǒu méi yǒu zhēn zhèng de kuì jiù

其实我在怀疑他有没有真正的愧疚

In fact I wonder if he really felt guilty

tā zǒng shì tōng guò huà huà biǎo dá chū lái tā duì jiā de nà zhǒng kě wàng

她总是通过画画表达出来，她对家的那种渴望

She always expressed her yearning for a family through painting

wǒ xiǎng bǎo cún qǐ lái

我想保存起来

“I want to keep it”

jiù suàn yǐ hòu huí bù qù zhì shǎo yǒu yī duàn guān yú gù xiāng de huí yì

就算以后回不去，至少有一段关于故乡的回忆

“So that I can at least have a memory of my hometown even though I can’t return to there”

wǒ men zài tā de huà lǐ miàn kàn dào quán jiā rén dōu zài cǎo yuán shàng

我们在她的画里面看到全家人都在草原上

In her painting we saw all her family

páng biān yǒu cáng áo yǒu zhàng péng

旁边有藏獒，有帐篷

And a Tibetan mastiff and a tent

tā kàn dào bà bà yǒu xìng fú de jiā tíng yǒu niú yáng yǒu cǎo yuán

她看到爸爸有幸福的家庭，有牛羊，有草原

She felt ambivalent about the fact

nèi xīn hěn máo dùn

内心很矛盾

That her father had a happy family, cows and sheep, and grassland

tīng shuō tā lái xiàn shàng le dàn gěi tā dǎ diàn huà tā shuō zài huí qù de lù shàng le

听说他来县上了，但给他打电话他说在回去的路上了

“I heard that he came to the county and I called him, but he said he was already on his way back”

nǐ bà bà ma

你爸爸吗？

“Your father?”

ń

嗯

“Yeah”

wèi le pāi shè wǒ zài xué xiào lǐ gēn méi duǒ xū yào yī gè hěn qīn mì de guān xì

（为了拍摄）我在学校里跟梅朵需要一个很亲密的关系

I needed to be really close to Mei Duo in the school (for the purpose of shooting)

suǒ yǐ wǒ jiù kāi shǐ dāng le yīng yǔ lǎo shī

所以我就开始当了英语老师

So I became the English teacher there

jǐ hū měi tiān dōu gēn tā men jiē chù yī xià

几乎每天都跟他们接触一下

I was with them nearly every day

wǒ jiù shēng huó chéng zhǎng zài cáng dì yòu cóng zì jǐ de gù xiāng chū qù

我就生活、成长在藏地，又从自己的故乡出去

I grew up in Tibet and then I went outside

zài huí lái de shí hòu kàn dào le hěn duō biàn huà

再回来的时候看到了很多变化

When I came back, I saw lots of changes

yǐ qián mù qū de jiāo liú shì fēi cháng nán de

以前牧区的交流是非常难的

It had been really difficult for people to communicate with each other in pastoral areas

cóng yī gè jiā dào lìng yī gè jiā xū yào qù hěn zhǎng shí jiān

从一个家到另一个家，需要去很长时间

And it took a really long time to go from one home to another

dàn shì jiù shì yǒu le hù lián wǎng wēi xìn yǐ hòu

但是就是有了互联网、微信以后

But the introduction of the internet and WeChat

duì tā men de shēng huó hūn yīn dài lái le hěn duō zhè fāng miàn de biàn huà

对他们的生活、婚姻带来了很多这方面的变化

Brought changes to their life and marriage

wǒ men qù le yī gè mù qū de cūn zhuāng

我们去了一个牧区的村庄

We went to a village in another pastoral area

nián zhěng zhěng nà yī nián nà gè cūn jiù yǒu duō gè lí hūn de jiā tíng

2017年整整那一年，那个村就有20多个离婚的家庭

There were more than 20 couples in the village divorced in 2017

guǒ luò nà biān dōng chóng xià cǎo de zī yuán hěn fēng fù

果洛那边冬虫夏草的资源很丰富

Guoluo boasted abundant Cordyceps

cóng nèi dì lái de cáng qū lái de hěn duō rén dào nà biān

从内地来的、藏区来的很多人到那边

Many people from Tibet and other places in China came there

guò le jǐ nián zhuàn le yī diǎn qián yǐ hòu

过了几年，赚了一点钱以后

They stayed there for several years and made some money

jiù yuǎn zǒu gāo fēi bǎ nà xiē hái zi liú zài cǎo yuán shàng

就远走高飞，把那些孩子留在草原上

Then they just went away, leaving their kids on the grassland

rán hòu nà xiē hái zi méi yǒu bà bà mā mā

然后那些孩子没有爸爸妈妈

And those children became orphans

wǒ xiǎng tōng guò hái zi de shì jiǎo qù bǔ zhuō zhè gè dōng xī

我想通过孩子的视角去捕捉这个东西

I wanted to capture it from the perspective of a child

yī gè hái zi duì fù qīn de nà zhǒng kě wàng

一个孩子对父亲的那种渴望

A child’s yearning for her father

yī gè shēng mìng gè tǐ duì ài de kě wàng

一个生命个体对爱的渴望

An individual’s desire for love

zài pāi shè de shí hòu hěn duō shí hòu wǒ jiù cháo zhù yáng guāng qù pāi

在拍摄的时候，很多时候我就朝著阳光去拍

During the shooting, I often set the camera towards the sunlight

zài yáng guāng hé jìng tóu zhī jiān yǒu nà me yī piàn guāng huī de chéng fēn

在阳光和镜头之间有那么一片光辉的成分

The sun shined in front of the camera

tā dāng shí piàn zi gāng kāi shǐ de shí hòu suì

她当时（片子）刚开始的时候13岁

She was 13 when we began the shooting

qù jiàn bà bà de shí hòu yǐ jīng suì le

去见爸爸的时候已经14岁了

And she was 14 when she went to see her father

yī gè qīng nián rén de zhuǎn biàn de zhè zhǒng guò chéng

一个青年人的转变的这种过程

She came through a period of transition

tā duì bà bà de nà zhǒng xiǎng xiàng hé juàn liàn jiàn jiàn dì zài xiāo shī

她对爸爸的那种（想像和眷恋）渐渐地在消失

Her imagination of and attachment to her father slowly disappeared

wài gōng yě qù shì le duì tā lái shuō shì yī gè hěn dà de kǎo yàn

外公也去世了，对她来说是一个很大的考验

Her grandfather passed away later, which was a big challenge to her

tā yī dìng yào jiān qiáng qǐ lái yī dìng yào chéng zhǎng

她一定要坚强起来，一定要成长

She had to grow up and become strong enough

wǒ men jiù qù dào le nà gè shān qiū shàng xià yǔ

我们就去到了那个山丘上，下雨

We went to the hill and it was rainy

rán hòu tā jiù yī zhí shuō gù xiāng

然后她就一直说故乡

And she kept saying hometown

wǒ jiù wèn nǐ xiàn zài zhù de zhè gè dì fāng bù shì gù xiāng ma

我就问：“你现在住的这个地方不是故乡吗？”

So I asked, “Aren’t you in your hometown now?”

xià miàn zhè gè bù shì nǐ de gù xiāng ma

下面这个不是你的故乡吗？

“Isn’t the place down there your hometown?”

zhè gè zhǐ shì wǒ zhù de dì fāng

这个只是我住的地方

“That is only where I live”

gù xiāng shì nǐ chū shēng de dì fāng

故乡是你出生的地方

“Hometown is where you were born”

jū zhù dì shì nǐ lí kāi gù xiāng hòu lái dào de dì fāng

居住地是你离开故乡，后来到的地方

“The place to which you go after leaving your hometown is only where you live”

nà bù shì zhēn zhèng de gù xiāng

那不是真正的故乡

“That’s not your real hometown”